Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
