I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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