You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
