So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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