she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
