Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
