Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
