i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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