lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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