May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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