if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
