ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
