We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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