whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Drake has all the answers
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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