new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
