so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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