i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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