Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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