ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
