Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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