That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How does it feel to date your dad?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
