I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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