is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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