in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
