I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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