He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
