i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
