Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
