fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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