well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
