have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
