I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
