mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize