Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
