It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
