Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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