she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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