There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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