I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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