He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
