I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Alive.
So much puke
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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