I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
