My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
