I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
