You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
