..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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