i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
