they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Farmville is her only friend.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
