it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Randomize
