Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
