I puked a lego.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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