sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
