You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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