i think i have two assholes
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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