literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize