wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Michael Bay diarrhea
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
