I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
