I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
