I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Found your dick twin last night
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
