Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I need mimosas to revive my soul
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
