you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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