I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
