and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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