NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
